


Florida Man Suspected of Peeing on Three More People

by advancedclass



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 08:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/advancedclass/pseuds/advancedclass





	Florida Man Suspected of Peeing on Three More People

It wasn't as easy as the movies liked to make it seem. Interrogating a suspect was more than poorly lit rooms, plywood tables, and one-way glass while two friends (or friendly rivals, depending on your movie choice) engaged in an almost playful bit of verbal sparring, good cop versus bad cop.

Detective Lopez had never gained a confession by slamming her hands on the table and making not-so-subtle threats or by sliding a chocolate bar with the name prominently displayed across the table to bump against a suspect's fingers. She'd been in the interrogation room when a freshly minted detective had tried that, only for the bored suspect to inform Detective Sheen that she was allergic to nuts. (The woman's lawyer had later filed a complaint against them for trying to cause his client medical distress. Sheen had been on probation for three weeks.)

The suspect was resting his chin on the table, lolling his head back and forth. He wasn't being uncooperative, precisely; he was just making everyone involved feel ridiculous, his posture asking why anyone was taking this seriously, taking time out of their busy day to ask him about the hysterical claims of a woman who just happened to live in the same apartment complex he did. It was made more difficult because, if it hadn't been for the evidence, the victim's complaint report would have --

Not been laughed at, not in front of her face, not publicly, but certainly not attended to as promptly as if another woman, one the entire precinct didn't recognize on sight, had filed an assault complaint.

The victim (Richards, Megan DOB 12/12/69) was far too well known to every cop in the area, as she was a self-identified Targeted Individual (TI in her reports, usually) who believed she was being stalked by an international network of shadowy strangers committing such acts as:

\- breaking into her apartment and peeing on the toilet seat;  
\- causing the bus to leave just as she reached a bus stop; and  
\- being ahead of her in line at the grocery store expedited checkout with just one item over the limit

(to select from the three most recent complaints).

This time, however, she'd come into the station with her eyes wet and red from crying, smelling of ammonia, her clothes soaked, and identified her assailant not as part of the mysterious stalker cabal, but as a neighbour in her building: one with a record (albeit simply for two counts of vandalism and one of public intoxication).

"Buddy," Detective Lopez said, rubbing at her forehead in a futile attempt to dispel a mounting headache, "we'd really fucking appreciate it if you'd just come clean. We're going to have DNA tests done and it'd be a hell of a lot simpler if you'd just admit you did it."

"And why," Detective Chambers, who watched too many police procedurals in Lopez' opinion, asked with an attempt at cool menacing that just made her sound like she had a cold and didn't believe in cough drops.

"Or ask to call your lawyer - anything to speed this up."

The accused yawned, thumping his jaw on the table.

"This won't reflect well on you when we get to trial," Lopez said in an attempt at reasoning, at appealing to the man's common sense or better nature, even though the very act he was in for suggested he lacked both.

"Which will happen because you did it and we'll be getting DNA evidence to prove it was you who did it," added Chambers, unnecessary and helpful.

Lopez was about to sarcastically thank Chambers for all the hot air she was contributing to the interrogation room's atmosphere when there was a knock at the door. It was Officer Deeks, nose wrinkled, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable and terrified of interrupting an interrogation in progress (he wasn't going to last).

"Sorry to interrupt, Detective. But I thought you should know, we're just processing three more residents of that apartment complex your perp and Ms. Richards live at. Um. They're also claiming that the perp, uh." Deeks' voice dropped to a shamed whisper. "Peed on them, ma'am."

The accused lifted his head and sighed. "I'm starting to think you folks don't really believe in innocent until proven guilty around these parts."


End file.
